Monday, May 9

Dreams

To preface this, I normally wouldn't post such a private thing such as a dream to this site, but this one really has me thinking about how the mind works, and how powerful it really is.

Before I can tell you about this dream, I have to take you back to 1993.  I had my first operation in September of 1993, and during that time I had a lot of television watching, being cooped up in bed and all.  Well, that same year, at that same time, Fox put out this little show called the X-Files, you may have heard of it.  Anyway, to make a long story short, after seeing the first few episodes, I was hooked, and sometime between then and the end of the first season, I had this dream where I was on vacation when I stumbled upon this film crew, filming something another, which I learned was an episode of the X-Files.  Being the nerd boy I was, I stuck around and I was in a leg cast, and was in a wheelchair, so the crew was kind of nice, and one day one guy let me behind the scenes.  Well, while back there, the director, who I had no idea what he looked like or whatnot, anyway the director was screaming at someone another about an actor missing.  He then came around and saw me sitting there and was like "Do you mind doing a stand in so we can at least get something done?" and I was like "Do what?" and he was like "I need to get the camera angles and lighting right, but our actor playing the cripple isn't here yet."  "Sure!" So he takes me to this set, that looks like an interrogation room and puts me behind the table and he starts moving around, well David Duchovny comes in and is like "Oh, good, he's here" but the director is like "No, this is just a stand in, the real guy is way late" so Duchovny goes "Let the kid do the lines, there's like a whole five lines." So the director asks if I have any experience and I go "No" to which he says "perfect, you'll do anyway, we're behind schedule" so he gives me the script and then we're all of a sudden about to shoot, so Duchovny sits down across the desk from me and I start the scene, and it's going perfect, and Gillian Anderson walks in and does her lines, and I shoot mine back, and then that's the scene, and then this kid comes in and thanks me for warming up his spot, but the director yells at him about being on time, and the kid is like "You can't use this, he isn't union" and the director gets all POed.  I'm suddenly leaving the set, really POed, when Gillian Anderson comes out and is like "You did good in there, but Duchovny says they can't use the shot because you're not union.  She thanks me again and Duchovny comes out with a VCR tape and hands it to me, tells me I should keep it.  The two of them sign it, I thank them and off I go.

What does this have to do with anything?  It gets weird now...

Last night I have this dream that I'm on vacation with just about every direct family member I know.  Myself, my wife, my daughter, my parents, and my wife's parents, and we're in Las Vegas, and it's late and as we're going back to the hotel room my wife reminds me of the cooking class I had signed up for when we arrived at the hotel.  The hotel's restaurant is owned by Wolfgang Puck, so I'm like, hey if Wolfgang's best chef is giving a class, I'm in.  So I roll down to the restaurant and it's packed, way packed, and I'm like what the hell is going on.  There's a camera crew, and there's some white drapes up that weren't there that morning, so I'm  a little confused.  I go up to the maitre'd and tell him I'm here for the cooking class, and he says the chef is running a little behind but he tells me the room off to the side is for the class.  I roll over to this side room and it's a little dark and it's showing the history of the restaurant, and Wolfgang, and I slide into this small open spot in front of these two people who I can't see because of the darkness and I feel a tap on my shoulder.  I turn around and it's Gillian Anderson and I look like a deer in headlights and I whisper "Hey." She leaves over and says something to the guy behind me and I turn and it's David Duchovny.  He smiles and is like "long time no see" and I'm all like "YEAH!" so when the video is over and the lights come up, the two are all "Wow, what a small world..." and I'm like "Holy crap, what the hell?" and Duchovny is like "Carter and the two of us still talk about the day you showed up out of no where and saved the day" and I was like "You're pulling a fast one, right?  The camera crew out there is like Candid Camera, right?" and Duchovny is like "No, it's for my show, we're here to film with Wolfgang, and now I have an even better idea.  Duchovny excuses himself and Anderson starts asking about what I'm doing in Vegas, and I show her pictures of my wife and daughter, and we're making small talk when Duchovny comes in with Wolfgang and he's like "Forget the cooking demo, it's boring, I've got another plan" and he pushes me into this small back room with all these cameras and I'm shaking a little and Duchovny's like "Okay, so I have this show I'm shooting a pilot on and it's just improve stuff, and we're just going to go with the flow of the scene, so I want you to just have fun.  Forget the cameras are there."  "What?"  He explains it to me again, and I turn around and at this table is Anderson, a midget, now Duchovny, and Al Roker.  There are playing cards and poker chips and I slide up to the table, put on a hat that was hanging on the back of my wheelchair and toss on a pair of sunglasses.

Filming starts, I act like I loose my first hand, Roker says "You've lost the last five hands, it may be easier to play without the sunglasses." I snap back "Listen, if I want your opinion I'll ask Willard Scott, okay?  Are we clear about that?" Roker slams his hand down and goes "I'm tired of being the only black guy at these games." and Anderson goes "Wait, you're black?"  Duchovny follows suit (pardon that pun) and is like "No, Lauer is the token guy on that show.  Now, where are the sandwiches?"  Wolfgang comes in with a plate of sandwiches, I grab one, bite into it and spit it out.  "Wolfy, what the hell is this?"  "It's a tea sandwich.  Cucumber, a nice wine sauce." I slap the tray out of his hand and yell at him "I wanted just peanut butter sandmaches, not this crap!  Who eats this crap?"  "Well..." Roker snaps at him "and bring me a beer, Miller Lite."  Everyone stops and looks at Roker "Miller Lite?" Anderson smirks "I probably have more hair on my chest that you do..." something another happens and I'm suddenly outside the room, watching the playback on Duchovny's laptop and we're all laughing, and Roker goes "How do you know this guy?" and Anderson goes "He saved us back while we were filming the second season of X-Files.  We had this actor who thought his stuff didn't smell and Jesse shows up and steals his job."  "I wasn't union so they couldn't use the shot, the actor was fired and all was well in the world."  Roker asked something on the lines of what kind of work I had been doing since and I told him living a normal life, and then Duchovny hands me this envelope, and I open it and inside is this card, and he's like "I signed you up for the union, you'll get all kinds of weird mail, just ignore it unless it looks interesting." and then I wake up.

I've never questioned the strength of the mind.  The abilities it has to control the body amazes me, alone, but this blew me away.  A dream I had years ago is put into the subconscious only to be randomly pulled out for no reason but to completely amaze me.

However, if I'm ever in Vegas, and I end up in a fictional poker game with Al Roker, David Duchovny, Gillian Anderson, and Wolfgang Puck, I'll have this entry to prove my ability to see into the future.

Or I'll have this entry to prove beyond a mater act that I am not in sound mind nor body.  I have another post brewing that has nothing to do with X-Files, David Duchovny, or Gillian Anderson being racist.

Tuesday, April 19

The Pride in Social Networking

If you're reading this, that means you probably got the link from Twitter or someone posted a link on FaceBook.  These social networks, have become something of an oddity.  We once believed in privacy, in being able to find a quiet corner, disconnect, and maybe even get away without anyone knowing.

This is really tough with the advent of FaceBook, Twitter and MySpace (err...  my|_| whatever that matters...).  Many of us post constantly, repost things others have said, and post to both FaceBook and Twitter at the same time.  It's part email, part chat, part over consuming.  We have draw away from our privacy for a more connected world.  The question I propose is at what cost.

If you're on Twitter, there's a hashtag #serve4seven that lists a lot of people doing things for other people.  The one that caught my attention was a retweet from Pete Wilson, one of the Christian bloggers I follow.  The retweet said:
RT @KriSheena1: @crosspoint_tv bought a homeless man lunch...shine your light and let the whole world see #serve4seven
At first I was, wow, cool.  Then I clicked on the hastag, and then I began to read, and I smiled, a lot, and I was lifted up out of the yucky I was feeling, and then the thought came to me: I wonder how many people are posting to get recognized for posting, instead of just doing the action to serve.

I, in no way shape or form, am saying these actions to serve are out of pride.  I can't take away the service these people are doing for God.  I can't take that from them, at all, I don't have the ability.  In all honesty, and in agreement with everything I personally have grown to consider, I actually do believe God's work is being done, and that hashtag will be revisited by me more than once this week.

I am in love with the fact that so many people can stay in contact on so many different levels.  Was I excited when I won a guitar pedal from Lee Bezotte or he posted a comment on this blog? Heck Yeah!  Did I go fan boy nuts when Damon Lindelof responded and retweeted my Lost love? YES, yes I did! (I still have days where I just look at the retweet).  How much of a dork did I become when Paul Steinbrueck commented on a post one his tweets inspired me? A lot!  Am I giddy that I have a copy of Churched coming signed from Matthew Paul Turner? More than I should.  I'll be honest, I was happy to see my pastor comment on my New American Hymnal post.  Do these people know what kind of impact they have on me?  Probably not, well, maybe Turner because he knows these kinds of things, it's weird.

Social Media is a little on the narcissistic side.  We post things thinking people want to hear about it.  Some of us even vlog, hoping that something we say or do makes an impression on someone.  I personally do it because I think more people need to laugh.  I'm all about laughing to me.  Yes, I can be really serious most of the time, but sometimes, we really just need to laugh.  My vlogs are about that...

Anyway, back to being narcissistic...

I believe that in the moment of an action, we do because we want to do.  I doubt anyone really plans to go and do good.  Yes, there are some planning stages involved, but no one has ever probably said "Okay, I'm going to plan to plan to go and feed the homeless" all the while having no real desire to feed the homeless.  I've never been lead to do something like that.  I have wanted to send shoes to children, or help with a women's shelter, raise money for cancer research, but I've never really been lead to feed the homeless.  It's not something God has placed on my heart.  I'm not saying it's something I wouldn't do, but it's not something I could just start out of thin air.

In that same sense, in the moment of doing, I believe we are in service to those in need, and in turn, in service to God.  When we take that moment of service and smear it with our ego and pride, it is no longer a service to God.  We are in service to ourselves, creating an idol of ourselves in place of God's image.  It sounds drastic, but it's the truth.  We wedge pride into service and it becomes a giant spectacle of our egotistical ways.  When we constantly do good and parade it in front of people, we're no longer doing good, but being selfish.  It's the two year old mentality: "look what I can do!"

I'm not saying every post on Twitter is ego driven.  I believe God uses all the tools He has given His people (yes, I believe God gave us Twitter as much as God gave us life), and sometimes it only take one tweet to brighten even the darkest of days.

Grace and Peace,
Jesse

Monday, April 11

Don't judge before you read it all... then... don't judge...

There's a lot going on around the Internet, regarding a lot of different things.  There is also a lot going on in my life, regarding, surprisingly enough, a lot of different things.  I'll start at the beginning!