-2 vs vulnerability

I'm currently participating in a monthly leadership class which is a lot like a huge round table discussion with a lot of learning in between sessions, and last night we continued talking about our spiritual journey and graphing it out and a few things stuck in my head but one thing really stood above everything else: church drama.

The thing that got me was every time 'drama' happened in a church, in someone's story, there was a mumbling about it and they moved on. We don't like talking about church drama because when there's drama it's when church people knock heads and it shows we're not islands, we're movable but we don't like being movable.

Church (lowercase c) drama happens because of one main issue: we're all broken. So, when people's brokenness get mixed up together, there becomes a build up of chaos which then leads to the drama.

So, how do we handle the brokenness, the chaos and therefor eliminate the drama?

Let's take the brokenness first. I learned this weekend you can't fix the brokenness in someone, and neither can they, only God working through them, can a broken person become fixed. We're human, we're broken, and without God's grace, we can't fix that. Yes, first step is to accept you're broken, the person next to you is broken, and there is nothing either of you can do to fix that. It's Grace stupid.

Accepting your brokenness is humbling. We live in a society that says "Do not show weakness" but I'm saying in that weakness, we can be fixed. If we can't accept our flaws, how can we change to better ourselves? Someone, last night, mentioned their desire of perfection. If we did everything perfect, where is the room for growth? Where is the change? In a perfect society, nothing expands, nothing is gained, not until God has full control which then we won't need to grow. Until then, we're to always be learning, growing, and you can do neither in perfection. We're broken so we can help one another.

There's a scene in one of my favorite video games, Xenogears, where a young priest is speaking to the main character in front of a statue of two angels. The male angel, on the right, has one right wing, the female angel on the left has one left wing. The priest says something along the lines of 'God created humans to be like the angels, however we each only have one wing, so to fly, to soar, we must rely on the help of another to reach the peaks we never could alone'. I may be butchering the quote, but you get the point, right? We're broken, and the only way to really work through things is to rely on the help of others.

Humbleness is the first step to relying on others. We're very ego centered people, we all have to do things ourselves, myself included. It's a huge fault, to just accept the help, because I always feel I'm putting people who are offering to help out for accepting the help. Like it's they offer to help just to offer, so when you say 'no, but thank you' they can feel better for at least asking. That's how I think things through and it's sick because offering help is humbling, but accepting help is humbling even more so.

We're to come to God, humbly, but we can't be that way with one another? I call shenanigans. If we can't be upfront with someone, how can we go to God and be upfront with Him? How can I not ask for help from that stranger walking by as I struggle with my chair because it's raining and I have no grip, but I can go to God and ask for healing?

We're broken people, but we don't see the brokenness in others because we don't show the brokenness of ourselves, because when we do, we're vulnerable and we are told when we're vulnerable, we place ourselves in a position to be hurt. I say, nay, and I say when we are placed in a spot to be vulnerable, we are put in a spot to be humbled, to serve, to be served, to be given grace, to give grace, to help another one winged angel, who is just as broken and vulnerable as you are, soar to new heights.

What about the chaos? How do we avoid that? Well, if by severing the first step out of the equation, the chaos quickly falls away. If the issue arises that person 1 needs a dozen plates that are no longer where they should and knows person 2 has plates stock piled for Armageddon, person 1 should be able to go to person 2 and say "My plates are gone, may I have a handful" without there being anarchy and trustees called in to intervene. Person 1 should be humble enough to ask, person 2 should be humble enough to give. Chaos adverted. There also needs to be a self check in place. If you're angry at someone, you're not being humble. The act of being humble is to remove all negativity. Anger is a selfish emotion and bringing that into the equation negates humbleness.

Chaos is the lack of humbleness. You can not be humble if you're in a chaotic place. Yes, you can try, but as long as you see the situation as chaotic there will be that drive to resent the issue. Why is that? We're broken.

At the end of the day, can you say "Lord, I've humbled myself down in front of You and Your people. Thank you." or do we say "Lord, I've had one heck of a day, please make tomorrow better." Who are we to say the day The Lord made wasn't good enough for us to enjoy . . . but that's an entirely different post all together.

Grace and Peace.

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a weekend in the city

I am a self proclaimed city boy from the country. It sounds stupid but it's the truth. My first trip into Baltimore and I knew that was for me. The suburban lifestyle was not for me and the city, my friends, called my heart.

This weekend I visited a new city and what I saw, I never thought I'd be that close to seeing, hell, to think about it: to being.

I was a lead member of the church's Youth Service trip, where I was in charge of a group of kids who never stopped all weekend. There wasn't a moment I wish I hadn't come along and am glad, after the week I had, that I decided not to call off.

We stayed at a church where their one mission was to love every member of their congregation then when they question why they're loved unconditionally, the answer is easy: because God loved us first.

This congregation consist of local business owners, the elderly who have been going to the church for longer than they can remember, addicts, recovering addicts, and homeless.

This church serves as a breathing place for those who need to be loved the most: those in our society has turned their backs on and what I saw this weekend lifted a weight off my heart, knowing there are still people who can love and not judge.

We did a lot of work, and even though ti's Tuesday, I'm still a bit sore, but it was such a joy to see so many that just gave. I was saddened to see so many struggling with something or another but guess what?

We are all broken.

Each one of us is broken. We have those things in our closets that no one sees. It doesn't have to be drugs, sex, rock and roll, but anger, jealousy, lying, or a whole rack of other things, but there is none among us who aren't broken.

All of us are messy, all of us. All of us, you know, Greek for: all of us.

The fact that we're told a sin is a sin, that I am a thief as much as I am a murderer, as much as I am a liar because I have a habit of speeding, of bad mouthing our President (bible says to respect your government) and because I miss the mark of perfection, I have sinned as much as the drug addict who I sat next to at dinner, or the prostitute who I accidentally ran over in my chair.

The weird part is, I didn't see any of them that way. At dinner, I felt nervous because I wasn't sure how I'd react if spoken to, I wasn't sure if I could compose myself enough, the whole weekend reminded me how close I was to living on the street, addicted to whatever I could get my hands on.

I believe in the healing power of Christ, and I believe that every one of those people, who come and really want to change, can, and they'll have the greatest support system I think I could ever ask for. The church creates a family, a loving family, setting for their congregation and that, in itself, is healing.

If I ever had to move north, I think I'd find a way to drive to the city every night. Even though there is no handicapped parking, or ramps, or lifts, I'd find a way to pull myself up into the Sanctuary, down into the Kitchen, each week. God is in their hallways, in their closets, in their hearts, and I'll never forget this weekend.

If you're ever in Frederick, Maryland on a Saturday night or Sunday morning, over on West 2nd Street, there's a little church, Centennial Memorial United Methodist Church, ask for Pastor George and tell him Jesse from First Saints says hello and God Bless.

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doing the cool thing

I'm gonna be honest, it's what I do here, and those words I seem to put in a lot of my writing, so I'll get to the point.

I like Lost.

It's nothing new, if you know me, but in the realm of things, it's like the cool thing now, to like Lost.

Not everyone gets it, that's okay, there are episodes I don't get either, but I watch because the lives of the survivors of Oceanic Flight 815 are important to me.

I've gone though stages, as a Lost fan. In the beginning (Season 2, I caught on late), I watched, trying to get it and tried to guess what was coming. Then I started looking for clues in everything. Then I had to really know everything before it hall happened. Now I watch and do my best to be surprised as I can be when things happen.

This post is going to be Lost heavy, and will contain things people who aren't currently up to the current episode may call spoilers.

During the time between season five and six, I began to rewatch from the beginning, in what could only be called as satanic. It was nuts. I began to notice stuff I hadn't the first time through and I began to make connections quicker. Then I noticed something else.

Those people who survived the crash, all 42 of them (I know that because it's one of The Numbers), began to look a lot like a community, but not just any community, a community that needed one another as much as one another needed them.

Yeah, it gets bat-poo-crazy near the tail end of season one and never lets go, but I began to see something in our Losties: Acts.

I then began to plot out a book that tied Lost to the Gospels, some how, then more recently I found out someone else beat me to it. I want to read his book, but at the same time I don't because it may just prove/deny the same connections I had seen.

For bat-poo sakes: Sun can speak English, rather fluently, which becomes a miracle of the tongues (until we get her back story). Locke is healed by the island! He was pushed out of a window and fell eight (Number) stories and survived and then the island heals him! Let us not talk about Richard 'Guyliner' Alpert, the man who doesn't age; how everyone who comes to the island suddenly can shoot guns like they're trained assassins, or how everyone is connected in some weird way or another. Kevin Bacon has nothing on these guys.

Yes, it's all fictional, but so is Harry Potter and everyone believed it to be an allegory until Roland said Dumbledore was gay.

The writers, being crafty people, also have a habit of sneaking in biblical references. One of the off island stations is in the basement of a church and Locke has this Jesus-like feeling to him until season five ended, now he's all about going home ala' Dogma's Bartleby and Loki, even if it means killing everything in his way (ala Bartleby).

What I'm saying is, a show doesn't have to scream God every line to have a very biblical feel to it. Am I saying Lost is Gospel? I know better than that. What I am saying is if it turns out that after last nights episode, that Locke v 2.0 isn't the bad guy, I'll be more than surprised.

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