Déjà vu

Neo: Whoa. Déjà vu.
[Everyone freezes right in their tracks]
Trinity: What did you just say?
Neo: Nothing. Just had a little déjà vu.
Trinity: What did you see?
Cypher: What happened?
Neo: A black cat went past us, and then another that looked just like it.
Trinity: How much like it? Was it the same cat?
Neo: It might have been. I'm not sure.
Morpheus: Switch! Apoc!
Neo: What is it?
Trinity: A déjà vu is usually a glitch in the Matrix. It happens when they change something.
Matrix, 1999

The concept of Déjà vu, for a lot of people, is a very weird thing. Sometimes just a flicker of something, in the head makes you stop and go "Whoa. Déjà vu." This isn't one of those things that moments latter the whole thing happens, as what happens above to Neo, but I'm talking a memory that laid dormant inside your mind that at the right time, is triggered and you go "Whoa. Déjà vu."

It's happened to me, a lot, through my life. Sometimes I remember, blatantly saying "I've seen this before, I remember this." and because I was young, I'd get excited and think I was physic.

Then, during one of those hardcore God cramming moments, in my life, where everything I did was for God, everything I spoke was about God, everything, I read the bible, had full conversations about theology, I had that newborn drive to want to know everything, and while reading something, I believe God spoke to me.

I had a déjà vu moment then questioned it, and at that exact moment I was given a clear message, and very real answer: "We have those moments because that is how God directly tells us we're headed in the right direction on His path."

Nothing more.

I was stunned to have that kind of clarity and when people talk about these kinds of things in their own lives, I can't question them because I've had that kind of moment now.

So, for me, déjà vu is that clear response to asking God, "Am I doing it right?" When you have a moment, even in the struggle, even in the valley, i means God is speaking to you, saying "I am there, and you're going the right direction."

I've shared this concept with some other people and they either accept the idea or blow it off as me talking out of my arse, but I've come to realize that over the years, I've grown and matured, but déjà vu still hits me and I still believe it's God, speaking directly to me but most of all when I begin to wonder if I'm going in the right direction or wonder if I'm making the right decisions.

Tonight was one of those moments. Here, at 3 am, I awaken to use the restroom to find, the hard way, my four year old has done number two all in the bathroom floor and in her pants, which is laying on top of the dirty clothes, in the hallway.

After cleaning it up, making sure she was okay, I sit on my laptop, coming down off that adrenaline rush you get with those kinds of things when I go and recheck a photo Pastor John had posted from this past weekend.

This past weekend a group of us spent it in God's presence. That kind of learning, fellowship, struggling, that happens when you're in God's presence and during a hike, he took a bunch of photos with his camera, one I've been particularly drawn to of a circle of branches used as a prayer labyrinth/walk kind of thing.

I had seen the photo, that weekend, and earlier tonight, but when I went back to look, I was struck with déjà vu. God had written that moment onto my heart and I came to understand that, I have been here before because God had directly written that moment into my story of my life and the recognition of that moment is beautiful onto itself.

God has a purpose for me, and when I get these feelings that I've seen it before, it's because God has already seen it, and I'm following His path for me, so close to the original plan, that I cross over into seeing what He sees for me and in this thought, I am blessed.

Grace and Peace
Jesse

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Refinery: 4/18/2010 - AS IT HAPPENED!

I'm going to blog during the service this week and see how well that works. It'll be like being there, or at least being there if you had a seat in my head.

...salvation and glory... ...honor and power... ...for the Lord is almighty... ...He is wonderful... -Revelation 19

The above song actually uses the word "omnipotent" in the opening verse! Isn't there like lyrical rules that using words more than three syllables in a song breaks down the linen curtain between time and space. It's a cool song and reminds me of the 'Row Your Boat' use to be in fourth grade, in that multi part harmony thing.

Michael mentions us as "us" as everyone, except Non-Christians... SHAME! Non-Christians are US too.

We get to talk about giving money to build more church stuff for Church stuff latter, that will be fun to post about! ^_^

Michael's mother just got thrown under a bus! DANG!

He tells everyone to stand but now I can't see the lyrics. Not that I'm focused enough to really sing, which I haven't been the past few weeks. That's a different post that I'll wait until I start that co-op post I mentioned the other day.

I know my God saved the day.

Makes Jesus like a super hero which really tones down what He did. I mean, thinking about it, his death did save us from sin, but even though saved, we're not 100% in the clear, right? We still have plenty to do, and plenty of others to show God's grace.

Am I being cynical?

When the clap, do they clap for God or the band? I question that a lot and in my head (now on my computer) I wonder who is worshiping God and who is worshiping the band or who is worshiping the music. The concept of worship was lost to me until I heard it as this: Worship is when we open everything up and the Spirit of God (The Holy Spirit) touches our spirit and we're connected totally.

I use to be able to worship with music, close my eyes, lift my hands in my head, drop my actual hands to my sides, I use to worship in music, but lately I haven't been able to. A lot of that is because of the above mentioned reason as "it's for another post" but there is a part of me that has come to detest Christian Contemporary Music. I'm singing along, I've caught myself, because this song is a goody, I like it, but not because it brings me to worship, but because it's good.

Good Charolette's 'Wounded' brings me to worship, The Ataris 'Girls of Summer' that awesome cover-better-than-the-original song, it brings me to worship.

So I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned...

So I'll stand, with arms high, heart abandoned, hands clapping in rhythm, listening to a two part harmony sung.

The more we're out in the community, the better, but we're still here every Sunday? Sorry, I'm being cynical.

We're doing this really cool interaction digital phone thing. I'm logged into a website and my answers are showing on the overhead, and even in the chaos, this is really cool. This is very Refinery!

My fat fingers screwed up my vote... for the next question LOL

The questions have lost the group, we're hanging on for dear life... hanging... for a moment... did you see what I did there?

Pizza is here.

Learn something new, that our community has a low stress level as it comes to crime, poverty, and other things.

The assumptions we have about our community is so off because we're never out in our community. We're there, and then we're gone, and even when we're in the community we still are there in our personal bubbles. You don't get it unless we're there.

By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. -Hebrews 11:8

IT'S NOT ON THE SCREEN!!!! AMEN LORD!!! There has been talk about using the verse on the screen against not using it and most, if not all, of those involved in the talk want people to open their bible, bring their bible, but by using the screen, we negate the need for our own bible. They didn't use the verse. I'm ecstatic!

There was a sense to do more with the church, first Callaway, then the merge of the campuses into First Saints Community Church.

What could I do with 28 acres in Callaway? A lot, but none of it deals with a new church or a place to worship in normal setting. I'm thinking of educational uses, shelters, recreational, but church? No. Church? Dur.

What could God do with a church that understood their call? Build a mega church and screw it up. I'm afraid it'll go in that direction.

They want to raise one point five million dollars. He said that without putting his pinkie to his lips. We're going to give away 10%, that magical biblical number, 10% away. Why not twenty percent? Sixty? Eighty?

Fifty four percent goes to clearing church debt, but not church members. The church is going to better itself not it's Church, the congregation.

The rest goes to the Callaway campus and the first phase of the growth there.

The had a prayer vigil, all day, yesterday, sixty people showed up, to pray about what to do next.

Quick side thought: Do we use the first ten percent away or do we do that last? Use the last ten percent, if we do it, to give away? Is that really giving away 10%?

He wants to look back 15 years from now and say "look what God has done, where he brought us" and I'd like to look back 15 years from now and not say "wow, we're still doing Refinery in the St. Paul's sanctuary?"

Why look back and then say "look what God has done" instead of saying that all the way "Look what God is doing" because if we loose that focus, we're doomed from the get go.

Be obedient to God's calling, even if it doesn't mean giving money to the church, or agreeing with what is saying, because following God means more.

Something Methodists don't do enough of: brainstorming however the execution of it was awesome. Text your ideas in, it'll be put on the screen, and collected for viewing at a later time.

...more cow bell... that was mine LOL

Personal speaking, as I have been, music during prayer and while the elements are being blessed is distracting.

I Can Only Imagine

The song speaks about what we have coming to us good and faithful servants. Those of us who deserve what's coming, in the good ways. And again, that's another blog post all together.

The song questions what we'll be doing in heaven and is supposed to be a worship song. We question what will happen it's all over, but in essence it's also a call to worship, how we're supposed to be worshiping now. People miss the same message in the book of Revelations but, look, another blog post.

Pizza break then a question and answer portion. I'd like to call it "Stump the Pastor about raising money for our own uses." I hope it's bloody! The responses on the screen have gotten borderline cynical. Sorry, 'cynical' is one of those new words I'm determine to use more often but not reflect in my actions.

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I've heard a lot and none of it sounds wrong

It's been a while since I've written and I'll let you in on a little secret: it's because I'm keeping it all to myself for a bit longer.

I'm being rude, I guess, but it's because a friend of mine and myself are going to start a cooperative blog and the ideas I've been having will keep my stuff there from getting stale. Once we start posting, I'll point the blog from here, to there, and if you want to really know, you can follow me on twitter and him as well.

Yost and I have been friends for about five years and our outlook and humor keep us in a lot of trouble in a constant awareness of what's going on around us. I consider him my personal expert on everything Open Source, Rob Bell, Ska and Asians and even with all of that, I still respect his ideals and direction God has placed him in, and after a short but fulfilling conversation we had, we decided to start a co-op blog that will touch on issues we feel are being forgotten.

So, expect that new adventure in the coming weeks, and who knows: maybe he'll let me say something interesting, from time to time.

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