Wednesday, October 27

Just Some Personal Stuff

I usually have a separate blog for my personal stuff, but I've decided to keep everything together (for once) and just have at it here.  This is mainly because I recently saw a tweet from someone another, talking about how, if you're going to write a book, you need a website platform to sell it.  I disagree with that a little, mainly because with today's technology, anyone can produce a book, have it made on demand and no one has to know about it.  I have a CafePress site which pays for itself and I get a little kickback to where I can buy a few things, without having to actually pay for it.  The point is, I do agree, to sell a book, well and profitable, you need an audience, a place for the audience to gather and a way to get people interested in the book.

I'm not, however, writing on this blog just to try and sell you on a book, promise.  I may write one, down the road, and advertise it here, but I'll never just up and go "Oh, by the way, here's a book I wrote, based on my blog posts."  I do understand it works for some people, I'm not just some people.

/d step down off soapbox

Now that I have covered that, I'll move on to other things.

A few years back, I attempted "National Novel Writing Month" and failed, miserably.  I didn't get a quarter of my novel even remotely finished but I'm going to take another crack at it, this month.  I finally get it that it doesn't have to be a finished product, but it's pushing you to write the first draft of a novel, in a month.  My wife, Summer, bought me a book that's a novel in a year but the first month really is a lot of character building, which I could do in a night if I had a can of Red Bull and a 5 Hour Energy Shot!  I scrapped the whole concept because it was starting to effect me, mentally.  Summer said it was making me nasty, which I can do all on my own without the help of the fiction I'm writing.  I'm thinking of doing something upbeat, funny even.  I should be able to fake funny long enough to make it work, right?

I've never really finished much, in my life, as far as hobbies go.  Writing, though, I've always come back to, over and over again, and it's about time I do it some justice.  I did finish a movie script, once, and I'm thinking of using Kickstarter to raise the money so I can just film the thing and get it on YouTube or on DVD or something.

The LoneDog Productions gimmick has lasted me a while but I'm sure I need to grow up and come up with an actual name for a production and publishing company one day, but that's all just up in the air because I don't actually have a production or publishing company.  I was given a few weeks to dream about a publishing company but after I really prayed about it, I was being silly.  I am under the sole belief that one day we won't have actual books and things will be digital.  We'll still need writers and designers, but in the long run, you won't need anything printed unless it's a short run thing like wedding programs.  One day the United Postal Service will be bankrupt and we'll have to rely on personal carriers to get our mail from one place to another but it won't be anything but wedding programs and L. L. Bean catalogs.

I had once planned to do a blog about my writing techniques while I used them, but I've already pointed out that I never finish anything so don't ask where that is.  Writing is one thing but writing about writing is something I, for one, am not that well enough at to tell people how to do so.  I mean, seriously, could you even read that last sentence?

While I'm dishing out the disappointing blogs I use to have, I had a blog based in the Fallout 3 Wasteland of Washington DC, a blog about a psychic based around a dream I had, a blog about general Christian discipleship... wait... that's this blog...  well, so far so good there or at least it was up until this post!

Sunday, October 17

I always worry

I did a year-plus stint in youth ministry and during this time I did a few lock-ins, a few breakfasts, a few coffeehouses, two weekend retreats, one mission trip and a partridge in a pear tree.  This time gave me a great chance to get to know a few of the youth in the church and surprisingly enough made a few really good connections.  Friends.  Even with everything going on in their lives, these kids are awesome.

I haven't been around for a few months because my schedule has been so everywhere with school, family, work and this awesome blog that I write at everyday (that last one is pure sarcasm for those who can't read sarcasm).  I also felt disconnected because I was supposed to be like head of a youth tech ministry which no one was interested in, so it stung a little.

Even though I don't see them like I use to, I still worry about them all.

I didn't know who I was actually getting to know and those who just acted like they did with every other youth leader.  Listen, I won't lie, I didn't think, know or care that I wasn't 'reaching' these kids because I felt like I was there to keep them from killing one another.  After my first weekend trip, a youth experience called Impact, I quickly got it through me that they may be teaching me a thing or two.  Actually, they did, because I had taken notes on my ipod (which I had just gotten for Christmas a few months prior) and I was writing down my notes, from the iPod when one goes "You can email them to yourself!" blew... my... mind...

The last big thing I actually did was a weekend lockin with the high schoolers.  Each of the leaders gave a small talk with mine ending the night talks followed by a question/answer where we had the youts (youts? did you just say youts?) write questions and put them in a hat.

I forwarded a few to handwriting specialists and questioned their parents afterwords.

My talk was my salvation story.  You know how it goes.  I was a bad kid, found Jesus, became good.  You've heard the talk.  Well, mine's a lot different than that and maybe one day I'll be inspired enough to write it out here.  Anyway, after my talk we had a great moment of prayer and then we asked for questions and during this time of questions one of the leaders was like "so and so wants to talk to you, alone about some stuff..."

The next hour and half talk was one of the most powerful moments in my walk and I barely talked.  We then prayed and I made my way to the churches prayer chapel, still on the vurge of tears, still a little shaken.

I still worry about them all.

We divided questions up through the leaders and I got two, but the one everyone said I should take was "how do I get out of a bad situation I'm in" and the question was vague enough that I ran with it.

I suggested the buddy system.  Find that one friend who doesn't do anything but sit at home on weekends and keep their phone number in a handy place, memorize it, tattoo it on your forearm.  If things start going in a bad way, call them, fake an emergency, leave, whatever.  I then took them down an entire road for a moment.  The same thing applies but sometimes the other person who is across the bed, chair, room, whatever from you knows this trick and will keep all phones unplugged, bills unpaid, and you have no resolve but to give in, right?  No, pray and if that doesn't work try this (it's corny but from what I hear it's effective):  Imagine Jesus hanging on the cross, blood flowing from his side and head, tears flowing from his eyes, crying because of what youre about to do.  This image will ruin any mood and if it doesn't please seek professional help.

I said this with the move serious tone, the tears from earlier had overflown and I was on the verge of breaking down, my voice shaking, I couldn't put into words how much I didn't want a single one of them, some I had never seen before, to not go down the road I had gone.

I still worry about them all.

Grace and Peace,
Jesse

Tuesday, October 12

A Biblical Idea: Darkness

When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." -John 8:12 (NIV)

In the bible, darkness is the polar opposite of light.  Jesus uses this metaphor when he talks about salvation as seeing the light, having light and shining your light.  Jesus speaks of the light as good and the darkness is evil.  If we are to understand that God's word is never changing then let's take a look at another bit of scripture.

Tuesday, October 5

The Times They Are a-Changin'

Sunday night at church, Pastor Keith gave a sermon that, by the end of the night, had me in tears digging through bags that I hadn't look through in years.  The series has been 'God will Make A Way' or something along those lines and this week Keith talked about the baggage we all carry.  Those things that happened to us that we continue to carry around.  In less than the hour and half we had for the service, I had dug through some nasty stuff and finally made the connections I have been working on for the past few weeks.