I always worry

I did a year-plus stint in youth ministry and during this time I did a few lock-ins, a few breakfasts, a few coffeehouses, two weekend retreats, one mission trip and a partridge in a pear tree.  This time gave me a great chance to get to know a few of the youth in the church and surprisingly enough made a few really good connections.  Friends.  Even with everything going on in their lives, these kids are awesome.

I haven't been around for a few months because my schedule has been so everywhere with school, family, work and this awesome blog that I write at everyday (that last one is pure sarcasm for those who can't read sarcasm).  I also felt disconnected because I was supposed to be like head of a youth tech ministry which no one was interested in, so it stung a little.

Even though I don't see them like I use to, I still worry about them all.

I didn't know who I was actually getting to know and those who just acted like they did with every other youth leader.  Listen, I won't lie, I didn't think, know or care that I wasn't 'reaching' these kids because I felt like I was there to keep them from killing one another.  After my first weekend trip, a youth experience called Impact, I quickly got it through me that they may be teaching me a thing or two.  Actually, they did, because I had taken notes on my ipod (which I had just gotten for Christmas a few months prior) and I was writing down my notes, from the iPod when one goes "You can email them to yourself!" blew... my... mind...

The last big thing I actually did was a weekend lockin with the high schoolers.  Each of the leaders gave a small talk with mine ending the night talks followed by a question/answer where we had the youts (youts? did you just say youts?) write questions and put them in a hat.

I forwarded a few to handwriting specialists and questioned their parents afterwords.

My talk was my salvation story.  You know how it goes.  I was a bad kid, found Jesus, became good.  You've heard the talk.  Well, mine's a lot different than that and maybe one day I'll be inspired enough to write it out here.  Anyway, after my talk we had a great moment of prayer and then we asked for questions and during this time of questions one of the leaders was like "so and so wants to talk to you, alone about some stuff..."

The next hour and half talk was one of the most powerful moments in my walk and I barely talked.  We then prayed and I made my way to the churches prayer chapel, still on the vurge of tears, still a little shaken.

I still worry about them all.

We divided questions up through the leaders and I got two, but the one everyone said I should take was "how do I get out of a bad situation I'm in" and the question was vague enough that I ran with it.

I suggested the buddy system.  Find that one friend who doesn't do anything but sit at home on weekends and keep their phone number in a handy place, memorize it, tattoo it on your forearm.  If things start going in a bad way, call them, fake an emergency, leave, whatever.  I then took them down an entire road for a moment.  The same thing applies but sometimes the other person who is across the bed, chair, room, whatever from you knows this trick and will keep all phones unplugged, bills unpaid, and you have no resolve but to give in, right?  No, pray and if that doesn't work try this (it's corny but from what I hear it's effective):  Imagine Jesus hanging on the cross, blood flowing from his side and head, tears flowing from his eyes, crying because of what youre about to do.  This image will ruin any mood and if it doesn't please seek professional help.

I said this with the move serious tone, the tears from earlier had overflown and I was on the verge of breaking down, my voice shaking, I couldn't put into words how much I didn't want a single one of them, some I had never seen before, to not go down the road I had gone.

I still worry about them all.

Grace and Peace,
Jesse